(nonexistent) life skills and...

Truthfully, when I get into my school, I kind of hated myself (the school was apparently for people who flunked exams, and as long as you got money you could enroll. It’s also filled with delinquents, but there are also few decent <some even smart!> ones. It wasn’t really that good, but it wasn’t bad either). Sure, I barely ever studied at all during grade school (apparently, national exam wasn’t a pinch for me back then) but I didn’t think I’d score really low on... well, everything (though I didn’t score that bad, I could’ve gotten in to another school—but I’m digressing). In any case, I extremely overestimated myself—and the worst part is, I’m not even sure what basis I have for doing so! I’ve never gotten any kind of good results in grade school, so there really isn’t anything that could justify my being lazy. Truth hurts sometimes.

I got pretty much zero drive to do anything and everything. Studying is just bleh, and making friends... well, those things are for later. Very, very later. I was a very cold person outside, pretty much indifferent towards so many things—I don’t even care about the ‘upperclassmen rules’ tradition that seems to be upheld everywhere. I fought everywhere, make enemies instead of friends... It was a rather dark era.

I guess it wasn’t until mid-first year that I started doing ... better things. I joined the student council (though, upon joining, I was hated by a lot of people), and tried to busy myself doing things. It seems like what I’m doing is slowly repairing my bad image; people started greeting me and stuff, although much gossip and whispers are still heard.

I’ve liked writing since I was a child, so I think there was a time where I lived solely for it. I joined lots of competitions, won some and lost some. I saw a very tall wall before me; a wall that I must surpass in order to achieve the top. People often compliment what I wrote, but I guess it’s true that creators always felt unsatisfied by their own work. I kept polishing myself, even until now, and I guess I did get better... a little bit.

My second year’s filled with competitions, events, and student council work busying up my schedule. I rarely ever went to attend classes anymore (since I got called in to help work a lot), and I pretty much neglected anything else but school things. Sometimes I broke down seeing my own unbelievably full schedule and cried, but mom’s always there to keep me on my feet. I’m so glad she’s there. If not, I might’ve quitted everything already.

Lots of things happened during the, if I may call it, “climax” of my middle school life, and it was mostly painful. However, there are also happy things—though I ruined most of them.

Anyway, upon reaching third year, I made lots of friends, I got noticed by teachers, and school’s coming along pretty well. I guess I’ve became more social, and less critical. I remembered being like those bitchy ‘I’m-different-from-you’ girls, but I’m well over it. At least, I think so. I still haven’t got over my hate for boys, though—

But that’s an entirely different story, for an entirely different time.

If I were to point out the reason for my bleak, dark first year, it would be because of my personality, I guess. I have a bad temper, I’ve never tried to filter my words, I’ve never been afraid standing up against anyone, I’m very critical, I’m hard to understand, hard to befriend, hard to talk with, I’ve never kept up with pop culture so people don’t know what to talk to me about... and last but not least, I’m hella scary. If I met someone like myself, I would’ve ran with my tail between my legs.

But I guess that’s what I am. I think I considerably matured—I knew how to change ‘facades’ now, I can think properly, I’m pretty good at handling my temper, and more importantly, I’m not a lone wolf anymore. I’ve met a lot of people, and I’m going to meet more—I’m sure of it. I like learning about people; about how to handle them properly. How to wear different ‘mask’ for each people. I’m still annoying on the sides, but that’s my special trait.

One that I’m sure I wont be able to get rid of.